Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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