Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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