All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
