The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
