jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
