I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
