I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
