god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
