What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
