who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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