I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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