no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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