Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
