boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
