You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
