my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she smelled like a LAN party
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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