I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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