I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
