ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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