oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
