thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Small penises have feelings too.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
