Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All I want is dick and wine.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
