We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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