I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
