i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
