Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't deserve a penis
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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