It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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