I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
