oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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