It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
