seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
