theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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