could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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