You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
