i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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