I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
