dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
