East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
