So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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