I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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