Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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