when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
