When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize