not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
