i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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