ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
