I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
