You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
