we made out on top of his cat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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