My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
