i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You can't just leave with hair like that
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
