I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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