he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
