I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
