I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
