I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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