You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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