Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
