it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
