She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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