You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
