he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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