whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
