Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
