WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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