It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
