jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
