I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
