thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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