I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
