so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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