I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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