So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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