I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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