I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
