i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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