OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
