I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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