I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
