Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
