Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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