don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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