I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
