A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i now understand why vodka
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
