I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
