Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
